The Feminine Principal
Metaphysically speaking my ovarian cancer was an imbalance and non-acceptance of feminine energy which ultimately culminated in the destruction of my feminine body. Of course this was all subconscious until my cancer awakened me to the truth of my self created reality.
I began exploring my inner self and over the next decade recognised and accepted how I had dismissed the feminine as weak and how I had sought to avoid any association with femininity.....unless it could be used as a weapon for gaining power via sexuality.
I saw that full health and peace lie in a balance of both masculine and feminine energies. I recognised that my perception of feminine weakness was mistaken because it was derived from a skewed perspective and an incomplete outlook.
I came to recognise how the graceful flexibility of the feminine allowed me to be open to all experiences flowing to and through me, that when I bent with the wind and went with the flow I didn't break and I didn't need to try and be anything.
When the wind blows hard and it appears it may knock you down or snap you, feeling the strength of your roots in the earth and the suppleness (non rigidity) of your form allows you to recognise that there never is any need to fear.
It's when we fear we may snap in the wind that we begin to stiffen our stance and contract our muscles ready for a fight.....and then it is this stiffness and rigidity which makes us vulnerable to snapping and breaking.....we become a self fulfilling prophecy.
Once in Malta I visited some ancient temple sites (oldest approx. 7,000 years old) and tuned into the feminine energy there. At one site I felt physically pulled aside and sat down to meditate and allow the energy to flow through me. This caused a very physical reaction in a very feminine body part! Not a particularly pleasant reaction but I didn't panic because I recognised the cleansing effect. All expulsions from the body are cleansing!! When we are sick the body expels toxins via coughing, vomiting, sweating, defecating, rashes, runny noses etc. When we stop these reactions because we think of them as sickness rather than cleansing symptoms we stop our innate healing mechanisms and effectively trap the toxins inside our body wherein they can do most harm.
I also visited some very beautiful catholic churches, one on the island of Gozo is known as the Miracle church. We only had a brief 10 minute stop there and once again I felt myself guided through the church to sit up by the altar where I felt a very strong presence of the modern day feminine energy in the form of the Mother Mary. Mary has appeared just a few times in my own healings over the years but I recognise the energy.
Then in St John's cathedral on Malta there was a prayer room closed to tourists but I asked if I would be permitted to go and pray in there and was told of course! I was a bit worried that I'm not catholic and don't pray in the traditional sense but I figured that just sitting quietly and conversing was my own form of pray and wouldn't offend anyone! As I stepped into the chapel the energy was tangible, there was no need for communication as I was sat in the midst of the most concentrated form of feminine power I have ever experienced!!
That trip so fundamentally changed me that I couldn't even recognise what had changed, as if my entire background wallpaper beyond my consciousness has been completely stripped and renewed! I knew I'd been working towards incorporating the feminine principal into my consciousness and taking that beautiful grace and strength forwards in combination and synergy with my masculine energies and now it seems that a huge step forward (or a vast expansion) has been undertaken.
Now that I'm consciously aware of my deep rooted connection to the Earth (Mother Earth eternally holding me in love) and my flexibility and grace borne of no longer fearing to be all that I am whether or not that is understood by others, I don't need to be spending all my time "trying" to be a certain something or maintain a particular image. All the freed up energy is now channelled into my ever expanding conscious awareness creating a bigger picture and making a lot more sense now. Life enters a new age of serenity and miracles.